I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
