she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
