My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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