I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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