Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
