Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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