yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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