he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
