I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's never too late to be topless.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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