I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
