mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I am puke
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
