kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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