how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
