his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
