the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
