I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The Olympian is in my bed
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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