what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
