I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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