Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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