New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
