Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
