I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
