my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
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