just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
