You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
