Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
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They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
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I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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