we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
