woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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