Kiss
Puke
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
