overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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