Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
