Kareoke will never be a sober sport
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
