It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
