just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
