Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
