I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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