I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
