Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
