i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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