You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
