So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
