i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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