I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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