He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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