Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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