Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
