Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
