the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
