i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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