So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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