How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
