the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
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He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
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On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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