she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
