chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Semen is not good for contacts.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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