I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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