I heard we made out
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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