The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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