his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
