Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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