i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
