This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
false alarm. still invincible.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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