Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
