believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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