we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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