worst night to have a conscience
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
