Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
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I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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