I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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