Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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